


Not shutting down

by Kialna



Category: Original Work
Genre: Exhaustion, Gen, Pain, body - Freeform, movement, thoughts, tired
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-11
Updated: 2014-04-11
Packaged: 2018-01-18 23:14:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1446346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kialna/pseuds/Kialna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A small work about how the effects of a standing job which is rather intensive, affect your body.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not shutting down

I've sat here for hours. Staring at the screen, seeing vivid images of all that passes my screen. Things that make me laugh, things that entertain me, all while music plays in the background.  
Though the volume is low, the slamming beats still make the subwoofer vibrate. Fast, hard and raw beats sound through my room, accompanied by a euphoric melody. It makes me happy. It gives me energy and power! 

But only once I get up in order to prepare myself for my evening rituals, like changing and brushing my teeth, I feel that the music only gave me a euphoric state of mind, thinking I had energy. As if I didn't stand all day. As if I hadn't worked at all. But I did. And my legs can barely hold my weight. 

Rising up from my chair costs me more than I wished for. Standing works, but I feel the emptiness. The soreness in my muscles and joints remind me of the intensity of my profession. For now. Releasing the computer mouse with my right hand alarms me, for the pain is familiar. Knowing that when I wake up the next morning, it is immobilised. Each morning I wake up, gritting my teeth while trying to move my fingers without cursing or shouting from the pain. 

This isn't how it should be.

I stand still for a moment, risen from my chair. Shifting my weight to balance myself. Stretching my arms and shoulders which make the most disgusting pops and cracks. I feel the muscles glide. Shoving over and under each other. Some pop behind my shoulder blade. I turn my neck and hear it crack. Following a wave from top to bottom, I try to release my spine from some stress. It works more or less. 

Even so, I have to go downstairs for the toilet. Every step I take is one too many. I feel like a device that has got no battery left, but is forced, or rather, unable to shut down. I haven't slept well since a few weeks. Which is essential to charge that battery. Every step down the stairs slams my bodyweight on my legs. When I return to go back up, I feel the muscles aching. 

Upstairs I once more balance myself and close my eyes. Everything hurts. My legs are empty. My joints stressed. My arms feel heavy but I have no sleep. My mind is ever awake. I push myself to the bedroom and once I close the door, I lean against it, nearly sinking to the floor but keeping myself standing. 

Once I'd sit, I woulnd't get up. Walking around the bed I undo the zipper of my hoodie, but more isn't coming. As I sit down I stare at the ground. Knowing I would wake up the next day, stiff, painful and ready for another intensive day. Eventually I undo my clothes. And lay down. Wide awake, but numb. And I think. I never stop thinking. It has been three and a half months since I'd left this country. I need a break. It was near.  
But then I have a striking thought...

I am 22. I shouldn't have these problems. I shouldn't wake up with a body that screams in agony and pain every morning. I shouldn't have a hand that is cramped up so badly, my fingers get stuck in position. And yet, here I am. 

_Painful, tired and wide awake. But it's only temporary._

I turn around and try to sleep. It's not working....


End file.
